the light at the end of the tunnel

Hi dear friends,

its been a while but I am back ;) I spent the last weeks and months suffering and pushing myself through my thesis writing. It was a tough time, believe me. But today, I am done and I am handing it in.I dont know if its good enough and if it will pass but for now I feel free again, I can sleep better and can focus on other things. It wasnt easy to always see the light at the end of the tunnel but with the help of friends and my school supervisor it came closer and closer and now I can see it shining...I am almost there, at the exit :) What will get me to the leave the tunnel is receiving my thesis diploma which will be end of august so there is still some waiting time ...but it doesnt matter. I feel proud of myself for having finished this report because I wanted to quit sooo many times.

The next weeks I will spend looking for jobs and a new place to live as I need to leave my room mid august. I will be joyful, see lots of movies and read my books that have been on my bookshelf waiting for me for a loooong time ;)

So its a good day, in about 1hr I will print my report (I came a bit too early) and get rid of it and have a big smile on my face. I am sure you will feel my joy, no matter where you are !!

A big thanks to everyone who has supported me the past weeks! I appreciated it smuch

You will hear from me again soon.

Kiss

Jo

Summer in April- Happy Easter!

Hi my dear friends,

it has been a while since my last post and a few things have happened since then. My little sister Jenny came to visit me for almost a week and we had such a fun time. I hadnt seen her since last summer and missed her a lot. We are in contact almost every day via Skype, Email or SMS but it was about time to see each other again and enjoy some time together. We had nice weather and visited the Keukenhof (very famous flower park close to Leiden), the butterfly garden (my second visit there) and some of Den Haag.

As I also had to babysit 2 afternoons we had to spent some time apart as the girl I babysit refused to have my sister around :( That was quite a disappointment and I didnt understand her behaviour but wasnt in the mood to make a big deal and so my sister stayed at home. I also had a small dinner with friends at my place. My sister and me cooked a German dish: bratwurst, self made mashed potatoes and sauerkraut and everybody liked it :) It was a nice evening with lots of chatting. The actual reason I had invited people was to introduce 2 new guinea pigs that I had just got a few days in advance. It was a spontaneous move (as all my moves usually are haha) and Francisca joined me to choose the piggies :) Now, I share my room with 4 pigs: 2 girls: Flori and Bella and my 2 boys: Fluffy and Brownie. They are separated as the girls are too small to be with the boys and eventually I want to make 2 groups of one male and female each. However, I didnt expect for the castration costs to be so high so now I am re-thinking. The boys still fight often and that was a reason for getting the girls. To seperate them and calm down. I will see. Right now I got the girls in the cage and the boys outside. Flori is a real squeaker... she squeaks all the time and asks for food even if she still has some. She starts already when she hears someone walking up the stairs... its crazy! She is so small but has a lot of energy. Bella is a bit older and not that active but both seem happy and so am I :)



After my sister's visit, Fernando came to see me for one week :) The weather was amazing. We had about 20 to 25 degrees every day, blues sky and sunshine and it felt like summer time. Everyone was happy, people dressed in skirts and shorts. It also meant time for a bbq and so we had about 2 bbqs at a friends house, on their balcony. That was delicious. As it was Fernando's birthday when he was here, I decided to take him to Amsterdam as he hadnt been there yet. We walked a lot along the water, had a nice lunch and Haagen Dazs icecream and enjoyed the sunshine. I also showed him the notorious red light district ;) The other days we took walks through Den Haag and went to Utrecht one day. Utrecht is my most favourite place in Holland and I hadnt been in the city for a while. It was really nice. We had tapas for lunch at the water and did some small shoppings. I think one day I might move there... maybe Fernando can do a PhD at the university there... we will see. I like Den Haag a lot and so does Fernando... well who knows. There is time to decide. Utrecht is also just 30 min by train from here, so there are many possibilities. Now I am alone again and it feels a bit strange. My roommate also left for a while and its just me and my smelly piggies :P

It was quite tough to work on my thesis during those sunny days and I need to hurry up. I got a deadline next week which I might not make and need to extent. I got about 4 weeks left before handing it in. My supervisor is quite positive and the last time we spoke she said I will be fine. Lets hope so. I got about 25 pages now and want to have about 40 so still gotta write a bit. Now the weather will be getting colder and I hope it will motivate me more to stay inside and write.

I also took up an old hobby of mine: writing letters. I used to have many penpals when I was a teenager and at some point I stopped writing and then with the computers and internet arriving, Emails turned out to be a faster way of communication. But I always missed it and so I started joining some forums and began writing again. Now, I have about 20 penpals from all over the world and I feel very happy. I am also exchanging postcards and I tape them to my wall to make my room more lively and colourful :) I like to be in contact with people and as I like to write its a nice combination. I love receiving mail and so every day I am am eager for the postman to arrive, hihi

Today is Easter Sunday but I am alone. Usually I would celebrate with my family, which means eating and talking, taking walks, playing games etc... I dont mind being alone to be honest. I got the chance to meet Francisca in town today for a long chat and also walked along the fairground that is taking place in Den Haag at the moment. Just simple things... they are the best!

Now that you are all updated, its time to add some pictures and say "Good Night".
Have a Happy Easter Monday!

Jo x

Butterflies

After a lovely time with my boyfriend, I am alone again... I am kinda used to it by now but still, I am waiting for the moment, when we will be seeing each other all the time ... well I am saying that now ;) hihi... naw just kidding. Anyways, we didnt do so many things but the weather wasnt that great and Fernando needed to study for his exams. We went to town a few times for a nice coffee and a walk and one day visited the butterfly garden in Leidschendam, which is about 30 min by bus from here. I had seen a special offer online and bought a voucher for 10 Euro which included entree for 2 people, 2 warm drinks and 2 pieces of cake :) We spent about 2hrs there, but I could have stayed all day. It was so lovely. It wasnt that big, so it gave a more cozy feeling and there were lots of kids with their grandparents etc. There are a lot of beautiful butterflies to see, pretty birds, turtles, fish and a parrot named Dito :) I enjoyed myself a lot and Fernando took a lot of pictures. A few times, a butterfly came to sit on me, maybe they thought I was a pink flower (was wearing a pink shirt), that was so lovely .... I adore butterflies, they are so fragile but yet so beautiful. Their colors are amazing and if you look at them closely you can discover so many details. Awww, in my next life I want to be a butterfly :)

I am looking at my guinea pigs and I think they are the cutest things I have ever seen. Every day they make me smile and I love watching them even though they dont do so much haha but still...When they feel excited and happy they jump or sometimes they run in circles :) Even to just watch them snooze ... they look very happy and I am so happy to have them :)

Next week Iam going to Berlin for some days to visit a friend. I wasnt sure what to do about my babies and today asked a friend if she can feed them for me. She agreed and I am glad, they will be in good hands :) Thank you Francisca :)

Time to play some Monopoly on my pc... haha... Fernando installed it for me and we played every day, trying to beat the computer... its addictive.... I ll get a yummy apple tea and play.

Bye bye

Mindfulness

Time is flying while we are having fun, right? Well it also flies when life isnt that much fun and we have no control over it at all. We cant stop time or life... or even go back in time (even though my bf thinks its possible, bless him ;)). Would I want to go back in time? YES! I regret some decisions that I made and have problems with letting go of the past. Its a waste of thoughts for sure, but its tough to accept that we dont have any control over our past and all we can do is learn from our mistakes and hopefully, not make them again. Its not that I am unhappy about how life turned out so far, but I cant help but wonder what if.....what if I had stayed in Germany, what if I had not gone back to school etc... to control your mind is a skill. Thats why I am glad that I had the chance to join a course called "Mindfullness". I am now in my 2nd week from 8 weeks and I like it a lot. We are a group of 14 people of different age groups, all there for a special reason. During this course we learn to live in the "Now", to discover our thoughts and to accept them. A big part of the course is meditating. We do it in class and also at home, every day. There is always some homework and this week we should meditate once a day, do a breathing exercise once a day and also write down a nice and positive experience per day :) I have to plan quite some time for the meditation and I can tell you, its not easy at all. I need to lay still and focus for about 20 min but my body feels so restless, that I start getting impatient and also my body starts hurting. Its really a matter of lots of pratice and the will of wanting to feel better.
I started this course because I tend to think negative and also my brain is active 24/7. I can not shut it off and it tells me many things that I believe even though thoughts arent facts. Your mind is playing with you and you need to learn to not listen to it and also shut it off for a while. If your mind is always busy, you feel stressed even if you havent done anything physical at all. And that can drive you mad :( I want to be more positive and think less about everyone and everything.
Wish me luck!! There is also a very nice book called: "The Power of Now" from Eckhart Tolle which deals with this topic. I do recommend it to you, you can also borrow it from me if you like :)

The past days have been... well a bit dark for me. I have a cold and it seems to not wanting to go away :( Therefore, I didnt do that much. But my week started nicely, because on Monday, on my way to school and the course, I met a very friendly French man in the train and we ended up chatting for about 1 hour. Usually I read, but I could really sense that he wanted to talk and so I put my book away. He travels a lot as he gives conferences all over the world and he told me about the countries he has been and the people he met. It was really interesting and even though I often have some cultural "issues"with French people, he was an exception and he was very happy when I told him so. He suggested to me to visit the south of France cause thats were the friendly French are -haha.

anddddddd :as I havent travelled for a while, I decided to visit a very good friend in Berlin next month. I am very happy about it as I havent seen her in a while and Berlin is a very nice place to be.

Thats it for today.

Good night. xxx

the old man

Its 0:30 am and I am still awake. I just got home from babysitting. I was asked to babysit the girl tonight and as I love being with her, of course I said yes :)
We watched some "Mogli " and then I read her a Dutch book. It was about a mouse thats going on a holiday to the sea. Cute story :) Then I joined her in bed and waited til she fell asleep. I spent my time reading a German magazine and left about 11pm. I had some strange days lately, well I feel ill and also my motivation isnt very high at the moment. I feel quite useless and a bit sad.. could be just a phase (also the grey weather adds to it)... anyways, today was one of those "down" days and when I left, on my way to the tram to go home, I passed by an old man who seemed to be homeless and asking for money. I usually give some money, so I was looking for some cash to give to him. I didnt have a lot on me and I told him, I am sorry its not that much. He was so humble and told me to not worry, I can give it to him next time!?? I ended up emptying all my pockets and probably gave him about 2 Euro. And honestly, he saved my day... I felt I did something that mattered...its kinda stupid, isnt it? When I left I wished him a nice evening and he said: "Now its my turn"... I didnt ask what he meant and now my brain is full of thoughts... but somehow, I feel like he meant, that now its his turn to help someone else...maybe I am totally wrong and imagining things but I immediately thought about the movie "Pay it Forward", one of my favourite movies. In the movie a little boy creates an idea for changing the world and he believes that every one should do a good deed for 5 people in need and those 5 people for other 5 and so on... I always thought that this is a wonderful idea but I am almost sure that human kind would abuse it :( So maybe, haha... thats what the old man meant??? Do you think I am mad? ;) My mind works in mysterious ways ;) Whatever it meant...I think it was a strange but also interesting encounter...

Good night old man.

the joy of being with children

I have been babysitting a 4 year old girl for about 4 months now and I enjoy it a lot.
In the beginning, our relation ship was quite tough, she wasnt always kind to me and it took a while until she accepted that I will be the one who will pick her up 3x a week and play with her until her parents come home. Now she is just lovely, we have soooo much fun and I know, I will truly miss her one day. She goes to the British school in The Hague and is learning to speak and write in English. She started there last September and her English is already so good, its amazing! She has a talent for languages for sure. She also speaks fluent Dutch, French and Italian!! We communicate in Dutch but lately she is speaking a mix of Dutch and English :) I always get her from school, we take the tram to the central station and from there we walk to her home which is in the city centre. The way home is always fun. Many times she teaches me new songs and dances she learned in school or we play little games :) She is sooo silly and funny and always makes me laugh. And what I love the most (and that counts for all children): she simple doesnt care what people think. If she wants to be crazy, she is crazy, if she wants to dance on the street, she dances on the street. Its so refreshing to be with her. If I dance with her on the street, no one cares coz I am with her... imagine I would dance on my own. People would give me strange looks and think I am weird. Its a pity that we limit ourselves because of what people might say and think :( Who cares!! We should just be ourselves. You feel so peaceful when you can be truly yourself, no fear, no limits...
At home we always play, many times she makes up games. She has a big imagination and I always think, that I could never come up with these things ;) Many times she is a princess and I am the prince. We then get married and have children, hihi... she has many special outfits. We also dance a lot, colour, read etc ... its never boring :) And I always leave her with a big smile on my face... I feel reborn and I immediately miss her! Its a great job, coz its not really work for me... and it makes me think that I should find a job that has to do with children....

So with this blog, I wanna say : Thank you little princess.... you are such a funny and sweet girl!!!

Jo

weekend and movies

How was everyone's weekend? Mine was quite nice. Saturday I was in town with a friend and by coincidence found out about a book sale. We decided to have a look and realised that almost all books had a 90% discount! I found 5 nice books, 1 childrens' book for the girl I babysit, 1 Dutch book (woohoo, this is the 1st Dutch I ever bought) about the connection of religion and hatred, 1 biography of Nicole Kidman (I really like her), 1 love story (haha, sorry, I like them) and 1 book about a girl in Sri Lanka. I could have easily bought more but I thought its enough for now ;) They have this book sale once a year and there arent any popular titles but still, I think 90% discount is great and me and my friend were happy with our purchases :) Before that we visited the Chinese New Year's Celebrations that were happening at the city hall. We didnt know about this, also a coincidence and we saw some Chinese dancing and acrobats. We were lucky to get 2 free drinks, both being tea but one isnt really my taste. However, it was nice to be there.
Sunday was my movie day. Every few months, the Pathe (the most common movie theater here) has a so called PAC Festival and there they show 5 independent movies that have been nomintated for some prices or have already won something but havent been officially released in Holland yet. I skipped the 1st movie because I had some things to finish at home. 2 of my friends joined me for the other 4 and we ended up in 1st row as the cinema room was totally sold out. I had to get used to the screen being so close but after a while it was alright. We saw a Canadian movie called : Incendies, which is nominated for an Oscar for Best Foreign movie. Its a drama and a tough movie. I liked it a lot. Then we saw: The King's Speech, which is a drama and comedy and very nice (recommend it to everyone!). Followed by: Black Butterflies, a Dutch production about the South African writer Ingrid Jonker and finally: 127 Hours, a true story about the mountain climber Aron Ralston who becomes trapped while climbing in the Grand Canyon. Really really good and inspiring! Except for Black Butterflies, all movies have one or several Oscar nominations and I am curious who will walk away with this price. I would tell you to see all of them, but if I had to choose I would go for The King's Speech as this stood out for me.

I love movies, I can get lost in them, they help to forget about the current moment, the world I am in and my problems and worries. They take me to another place far away and I really enjoy that! I can never see too many of them. I got a cinema card which allows me to see as many movies as I like for a small amount per month. Its brilliant, coz the cinema has become soooo expensive these days. Now I can go every day if I want to. Usually, I see at least one movie per week, depending on whats out and what interests me, of course. There are quite a few films out now that I want to see, so the cinema will see me a lot this month :)
I never used to watch any foreign movies but because of my international friends, I started to join them and most movies I have seen, I truly enjoyed even though I had to read the Dutch subtitels. I have seen some Italian, French and Spanish movies and was glad that the language barrier wasnt a big problem. I recommend you also to do so. Just try it out, there are some really great movies out there that you shouldnt miss ;)

Okay enough for now :)

Have a Happy Monday.

Jo